Have you ever felt that you can never be good enough? Ever had to endure an internal voice telling you that you have to always try harder, even at the expense of your happiness? A person with an orientation towards perfectionism can become their own tormentor. They may believe that they won’t be accepted or loved if they do not achieve the perfect grades, or the perfect appearance, or the perfect lifestyle. This is the world of the perfectionist. It can be a lonely place where even asking for help is felt to be a sign of weakness.
Perfectionism is surprisingly common and can come at a cost in terms of mental and physical well-being. The danger of perfectionism is that it can transform the life of an individual and turn them into a slave to success.
So what is the recipe for change?
One way is to become an adaptive perfectionist. This does not mean dropping your standards or desire for self-improvement, but it does involve accepting that you can’t be great at everything. Adopting this sort of perspective lightens the psychological burden. It means you can develop and improve as a person but you don’t beat yourself down when everything does not go to plan.
The transformation to adaptive perfectionism can be challenging especially when anxiety and depression is the driver, but with the right help you can make it happen. Resilience is built up through acceptance of who we are, and the greatest gift that we can impart to ourselves is the message that we are valuable and lovable.
As Microsoft founder Bill Gates remarked, “Success is a lousy teacher”. We learn the best life lessons through experiencing failures and making mistakes. Failure is just part of our personal journey where we learn new ways of approaching challenges.
Susan Lindsay 