Nobody is guaranteed immunity from life’s tensions, threats, trauma, and tragedies. Coping with adversity and remaining strong and calm is an important part of the human condition. While it can take an enormous toll on individuals, it can give rise to hidden strengths and resources that we did not know we had.
Dealing with adversity can be a powerful life lesson. As Polly Young-Eisendrath noted:
Until we reach our limits, we don’t know how to overcome them. Until we feel our greatest fears directly, we don’t know our courage, it is only when adversity has knocked our defences down that we pose the big questions: Who am I? What is my purpose here?
Emotional strength changes over time just as the architecture of the brain is formed over time. It can go up, and it can go down. Being aware of this is helpful because it means that if you experience one blip in your coping capacity then you won’t view it as a sign that things are going to fall apart every time you face a difficult situation.
When you are tapping into your emotional strength you are operating from the rational thinking part of your brain, the part that helps you make better decisions while remaining calm and less stressed. Neuropsychologists talk about the emotional part of the brain, or amygdala, which can cause us to act without taking time to think things through. It’s what causes us to react, and sometime overreact, to threats and dangers. It sets off a train of bodily responses and can increase the stress hormone cortisol. While this is helpful and potentially lif-saving in the face of genuine threats, being constantly and unnecessarily governed by the amyglada will affect the immune system, making us become the victim of our emotions.
Captain David Barry, second in command for the Irish Naval Service which rescues migrants in the Mediterranean Sea, summed up his coping approach in an article for the Irish Times when he said:
“We coped with it, we adapted to it, we would feel that we have grown in our ability and in our confidence. Really, there is nothing down there at this stage that we can’t handle”
Brave men like Captain Barry are coping with extreme situations, yet his coping maxim holds true for most coping situations that we all face. We cope, we adapt, and we become more confident in our abilities. This is essentially what we need to believe about our coping capacity – that we can do what needs to be done when push comes to shove
It helps to bring some awareness to what is helping or hindering our emotional strength and coping capacity. Think about what you say to yourself when things go wrong.
Do you overthink, especially at night, ruminating about yourself and the the problems that are disturbing your peace of mind? Do you spend too much thinking about the future and questioning your capacity to cope with whats ahead? These are some of the the minefields that are easy to fall into.
Achieving balence is the key. Sure we can plan ahead, but it’s often more beneficial for us to just enjoy the moment. Even when there are growing threats and challenges in our community and wider world, finding a way to create our own safe emotional bubble is how we build emotional strength.
Here are ten top tips that we can all practice which will help us build our emotional strength:
- We can live positively, not ‘troubling trouble’ until it troubles us.
- We can live practically, keeping balance and perspective when things go wrong.
- We can view mistakes as opportunities for learning.
- We can distinguish the difference between our anxieties and real threats.
- We can recognise the difference between setbacks and catastrophes.
- We can develop and retain an appropriate sense of humour when things go wrong.
- We can know how to get support when we need it.
- We can learn to self-heal when we are emotionally hurt.
- We can find non-addictive, non-self-harming ways of doing so.
- Above all, we can talk and share our worries and concerns. Strength is not being silent or stoic when times gets rough. We are all vulnerable at some point in our lives. Some hide their vulnerabilities. But there are benefits to sharing your worries with someone you trust or to talking to a professional who can help you cope with whatever is bringing you down.
Susan Lindsay 